Friday, January 8, 2010

You're Kiddin', Right?

Agent Chip MacGregor used this book as an example of self-publication quality, though he admitted not all SP books are this . . . curious--

Product Description (from

I think constricting anus 100 times and denting navel 100 times in succession everyday is effective to good-bye depression and take back youth. You can do so at a boring meeting or in a subway. I have known 70-year-old man who has practiced it for 20 years. As a result, he has good complexion and has grown 20 years younger. His eyes sparkle. He is full of vigor, happiness and joy. He has neither complained nor born a grudge under any circumstance. Furthermore, he can make love three times in succession without drawing out.

In addition, he also can have burned a strong beautiful fire within his abdomen. It can burn out the dirty stickiness of his body, release his immaterial fiber or third attention which has been confined to his stickiness. Then, he can shoot out his immaterial fiber or third attention to an object, concentrate on it and attain happy lucky feeling through the success of concentration.

If you don't know concentration which gives you peculiar pleasure, your life looks like a hell.
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  1. Good grief! I must be hallucinating.

  2. Okay, that's just HARD to read.

    Anyone else notice that the author has a Japanese name??? May that explain the poor word/grammatical choices--a lack of familiarity with the English language?

  3. Supposedly, this was translated from Japanese without any attempt to correct the syntax to correct English forms. That explains the writing. But the subject matter???

  4. I can not understand what the author wrote or what he is talking about. Yikes. I see your label is fabulously fun Fridays.

  5. Cause I'm thinking that at least some self-published authors speak English as their first language.

  6. I've met people who have written books like this that they swear are going to get them multibillion movie deals and create new global religions. They usually want me to help them write the tie-in novels. And for nothing. Fabulously fun, and scarily true.

  7. dirtywhitecandy: that's just scary, esp. if the topic were this book. I can see it now--an exercise video specializing in how to dent your navels.

    I go along with Chip--this isn't representative of all self-published books. I've read some good ones and some bad ones, but none quite as . . . "interesting" as this one.

  8. Quite frankly, I've seen things almost this bad come from major publishers. Just because I'm self-publishing doesn't mean that I can't write proper English, or that my book is on some odd topic or other.

  9. Absolutely, Glynes. I've read several self-pubbed books that would've easily made it traditionally--and several traditionally-pubbed books that should've been sent back for more work.

    People have their own reasons for self-publishing, and I believe Chip recognizes that.

  10. Oh dear, I thought this was some kind of joke! I just went and read the reviews on Amazon. Some read it as a joke, others actually tried to put its nonsense into effect, resulting in, as one guy said, the biggest bowel movement he had ever had.
    Thanks for the post about dialogue too. Something I'm still working on, trying to get the balance right.

  11. Peter, I didn't read all the comments in Amazon. I guess I was afraid of what I'd find!

    Thanks for your comments about my dialogue post. I hope it helped. God bless you in your writing efforts!