Friday, February 26, 2010

Gotta Love Those Church Ladies . . .

They're back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church
Ladies with typewriters... These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS)
actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight:
'Searching for Jesus.'
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
help they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
will follow.
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.
--------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies
are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
---------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last
Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours".
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26 comments:

  1. Those are terrific. I can't pick a favorite. So many are so good. It's funny to see what the author of each meant but how it came out. A good lesson for us all--writer or not--about being careful with word selection.

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  2. Hysterical!! I think I need to post some medical transcription bloopers.

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  3. Eric--Exactly! We do need to be careful.

    Sandy--what an idea! That would be fun!!!

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  4. Linda, these are hilarious! Thanks for the laughs!

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  5. That first one cracked me up! Now *that* is my kind of fasting!

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  6. Karen--glad you liked them! Gotta have a good chuckle every now and then.

    Katie--I'm with you!

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  7. This is great! Thanks:)
    Happy weekend!

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  8. I never get tired of reading these! :D

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  9. Karen, I'm glad you enjoyed them. I hope you have a terrific weekend, too!

    Lynnette--I hope you don't get tired of them. I've been getting similar things in my email since this posted today. We may see more in the future! :D

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  10. Oh, wow. I just laughed so hard my dog rushed over and licked my face. She must have thought something was wrong with me. Whoo! That was the best belly laugh I've had in a while! Thank you, Linda.

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  11. Zelda--I knew laughter was good exercise, but I never would've guessed it was a means of earning puppy kisses! Glad you liked the post!

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  12. I love love love these. What could be funnier (rhetorical question). I am printing a copy to send to a relative who doesn't have a computer and I know she will laugh. Many of these I've seen before, but they are classics.
    Thanks,
    Terra

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  13. Glad you enjoyed them, Terra--hope your relative does too. :)

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  14. LOL! These things are always such a hoot! I love 'em. I always wonder if some of the people typing these don't make the boo-boos on purpose just to give the church members a good giggle! Thanks, Linda! Such fun!

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  15. Those would be some pretty creative secretaries to sit around wondering how to do on purpose the things that appear so accidental. What a fun thought! Thanks, Lynn!

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  16. This one:

    "The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals."

    REALLY needs "at no extra charge!" added to the end of the sentence, though...

    I also quite like the "cast off clothes" one. Oh what a difference a hyphen would have made!

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  17. Yep--it's funny what the lack of a keystroke can do!

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  18. Hilarious!! Thanks so much for sharing this.

    I'm tweeting it this afternoon. :)

    Corra

    from the desk of a writer (I moved my blog! I'm at Wordpress now.)

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  19. Thanks, Corra! Glad you liked the post. (How do you like Wordpress?)

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  20. Those are hilarious! It's amazing what changing a few words can do ;)

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  21. This is delightful! It reminds me of an education major I once tutored, who wrote, "I want my students to feel like they can trust me, and that can't be done in a dictionary." She meant "dictatorship."

    Thanks for the laugh! :)

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  22. Mia--Glad you liked them!

    H.L.--that's just priceless :D

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  23. On my blog today I posted a live link to your post here, about the church bloopers, so some of my blog readers may come here to enjoy these funnies.

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  24. Thanks, Terra. I hope they enjoy them.

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  25. Loved em all!!!!!!! Thank goodness for typos, it brings much needed laughter!

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  26. So glad you liked them Annie. Thanks for coming by!

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