Friday, July 23, 2010

Analogies You Won't Find in Great Literature

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. …Joseph Romm, Washington

She caught your eye like one of those pointy little hook latches that dangle from screen doors and fly up whenever you bang the door open. …Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly like a bowling ball wouldn’t. …Russell Beland, Springfield

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.…Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and “Jeopardy” comes on at 7:00 instead of 7:30.…Roy Ashley, Washington

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.…Chuck Smith, Woodbridge

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.…Russell Beland, Springfield

Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who meant to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but got T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.…Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.…Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.…Jack Bross, Chevy Chase

The hailstones leaped from the pavement like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.…Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that, if her life was a movie, this guy would be buried in the credits as something like “Second Tall Man.”…Russell Beland, Springfield

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.…Jennifer Hart, Arlington


The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr on a Dr Pepper can.…Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.…Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. …Russell Beland, Springfield

The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.…Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.…Chuck Smith, Woodbridge

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.…Jennifer Frank and Jimmy Pontzer, Washington

(There's more on this post--to see it all go to Al Lowe's Humor Site.)

(All photos compliments of Flickr:
My View of a Solar Eclipse, by dsevilla
Jeopardy, by Justin Levy
Dr Pepper, can by clownfish
Red Crayon, by Brandy Shaul)
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11 comments:

  1. Haha, oh, these were great. I think my favourite was the unfloating bowling ball :D

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  2. Love these! A great Friday laugh!

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  3. HAHAHAHA!!!!! I've seen some of these before, but never get tired of them. The "nose hair" one has got to be the best... particularly because I know a real person who says things like that!

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  4. I thought these were so funny--I'm glad everyone else thinks so too!

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  5. Love it, love it, love it. Hard to pick a favorite but the one about eyes of "two brown circles with black dots" is way up there.

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  6. I've seen some of these before, but they never fail to give me a chuckle.

    BTW, this one...EW!: McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.…Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring

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  7. These all gave me a chuckle. "He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree" got me to laugh out loud, as did "Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever." Loved 'em all!

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  8. Fav one was: The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly like a bowling ball wouldn’t. …Russell Beland, Springfield

    Thanks for the chuckle

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  9. Lynda, I think that's my favorite too!

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  10. My first time at this site so I have a stupid question. Were these written for fun or were these writers serious? Anyway some of them made me laugh out loud too. The thunder one was my fav

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  11. I really don't know. I really don't. Surely they were for fun. Surely. Could the authors of these lines have been serious?

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