Friday, November 12, 2010

How Not to Succeed at NaNo

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lit place in front of your computer.

2. Log onto MSN and ICQ (be sure to go on away!). Check your email.

3. Review yesterday's work carefully, to make certain you know where you left off.

4. Walk to the kitchen for some chocolate to help you concentrate.

5. Check your email.

6. Call up a friend and ask if he/she wants to go to grab a coffee. Just to get settled down and ready to work.

7. When you get back, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lit place.

8. Read over what's already done again to make absolutely certain you know where to start.

9. Check your email.

10. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.

11. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.

12. Grab some mp3z off of kazaa.

13. Check your email.

14. MSN chat with one of your friends about the future(ie summer plans).

15. Check your email.

16. Listen to your new mp3z and download some more.

17. Phone your friend and ask if she's started writing yet.

18. Head to the store and buy a pack of gum. You've probably run out.

19. While you've got the gum you may as well buy a magazine and read it.

20. Check your email.

21. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV.

22. Play some solitare (or age of legends!).

23. Check out

24. Wash your hands.

25. Call up a friend to see how much they have done, probably haven't started either.

26. Look through your friends' Facebook photo albums.

27. Do some more serious thinking about your plans for the future.

28. Check to see if has been updated yet.

29. Check your email and listen to your new mp3z.

30. You should be rebooting by now, assuming windows is crashing on schedule.

31. Reread your work one more time, just for heck of it.

32. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.

33. Lie face down on the floor and moan.

34. Punch the wall and break something because you let the night go by without making your word count.

35. Check your email.

36. Mumble obscenities.

37. 5am - start hammering on the keyboard until it's time to go to work.

38. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to reach your word count.

39. Start over again tonight.

And the winner of Billy Coffey' debut novel is:

Congrats, Lorna!

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  1. LOL...this was awesome! I certainly recognized several of the items listed! lol (And my word count reflects it!)

  2. This is so funny because it is so true! Thanks for the laugh! (It's time to go check my email now. :) )

  3. Whatever did writers do for distraction before the Internet was invented?

    Congrats on winning the drawing, Lorna!

  4. I don't NaNo, but I like suggestion #4. :D

    I'm pleased I won the drawing for Snow Day. It's been on my list for a while now. :)

  5. I know :P I am writing in the attic right now on and old computer with no internet--and no games. So that is definitely a help to an easy to distract person like me.

    "Oh! Spam Mail! Sweet I love emails :D"

  6. Awesome tips!!

    I'm flaming along and keeping up with my word count goals. Thank God for distractions though. That's how I keep my sanity.

  7. Oooh, you forgot to add check your blog feeds. Definitely do not check your blog feeds if you want to win Nano. :) Take it from someone who knows. LOL.

  8. I envy anyone who can actually make their wordcount in NaNo. I've tried for the past few years and failed every time. November is just too nutty for me to actually reach my goal. Sigh.

  9. LOL, Linda. This had me chuckling and I'm not even participating in Nano.

  10. I resemble those remarks! LOL! All except #36, that is; I never do obscenities.

    But I've had a lot of distractions, but most mornings I've been able to force myself to make a decent word count before I went on to anything else. Busy days, I have a valid excuse for not making the day's quota, but non-busy days allow no quarter for excuses.

    How many times did this person check their e-mail? I lost count. :D

    ~ VT

  11. I finally caught on NaNo yesterday after starting three days late. Not that I'm officially doing it . . .