Friday, August 12, 2011

Fabulously Fun Friday ~ Writing Jokes


There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft writing error messages. 


A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus.
"It's a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway," he said.
"Actually," said his guide, "it's named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation."
The visitor was astonished. "Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?"
"Yes, indeed," said his guide. "He wrote a check." 


A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell.
She decided to check out each place first. As the writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes.
"Oh my," said the writer. "Let me see heaven now."
A few moments later, as she ascended into heaven, she saw rows of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes.
"Wait a minute," said the writer. "This is just as bad as hell!"
"Oh no, it's not," replied an unseen voice. "Here, your work gets published."


A screenwriter comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing and slightly-singed wife is standing outside. “What happened, honey?” the man asks.
“Oh, John, it was terrible,” she weeps. “I was cooking, the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn’t notice the stove was on fire. It went up in seconds. Everything is gone. I nearly didn’t make it out of the house. Poor Fluffy is--”
“Wait, wait. Back up a minute,” The man says. “My agent called?”



I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" 
She answered, "If I tell you, it will defeat the purpose." 


A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men.     One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter.
The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.


Q. What's the difference between publishers and terrorists?
A. You can negotiate with terrorists.


THREE GUYS ARE SITTING AT A BAR
 
   #1: "...Yeah, I make $75,000 a year after taxes."
    #2: "What do you do for a living?"
    #1: "I'm a stockbroker. How much do you make?
    #2: "I should clear $60,000 this year."
    #1: "What do you do?"
    #2: "I'm an architect."
The third guy has been sitting there quietly, staring into his beer, when the others turn to him.
    #2: "Hey, how much do you make per year?"
    #3: "Gee... hmmm... I guess about $13,000."
    #1: "Oh yeah? What kind of stories do you write?"


How many science fiction writers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, but it's actually the same person doing it. He went back in time and met himself in the doorway and then the first one sat on the other one's shoulder so that they were able to reach it. Then a major time paradox occurred and the entire room, light bulb, changer and all was blown out of existence. They co-existed in a parallel universe, though.



Q. How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb? 
A. Two.  One to screw it almost all the way in, and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.


Q. How many cover blurb writers does it take to screw in a light bulb? 
A. A VAST AND TEEMING HORDE STRETCHING FROM SEA TO SHINING SEA!!!!

Did you hear the one about the pregnant woman who went into labor and began to yell, "Couldn't! Wouldn't! Shouldn't! Didn't! Can't!"? She was having contractions.

I got these great writer's jokes from Jokes About Writers
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10 comments:

  1. These were great, Linda. Great way to start another work week.

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  2. I will have to share these with my friends. Thanks for the smiles!

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  3. heehee,, gonna tell some of these at our next writers'meeting.. hehe...

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  4. There's no way I should be laughing as hard as I am... ;) (Wait, my agent called?)

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  5. Love it! These are all great, but it's hard to beat that first one.

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  6. Glad you all got some smiles out of these. Happy weekend, everyone!

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  7. Lynnette--these were great! My favorite is the visit to heaven and hell. Too funny!

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  8. Just read these. Hilarious. My favourite is the science fiction writers changing a lightbulb.

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