Friday, December 16, 2011

Fabulously Fun Friday: darn fine eatin'

Children, today's topic is food. And not just any food, either. I'm talking about bad food.

First, we all know the (supposed) benefits of a healthy diet, a diet that's high in fiber, low in cholesterol, and with a paucity of polyunsaturated (why does that put me in mind of a parrot beneath an umbrella?) fats. I'm told such a diet will make one virile and handsome and able to lift a Chrysler one-handed. Yippee. Let us leave such people to their grazing.

No, what I'm talking about is a bit more ... elemental. Earthy. Sensual. In a word, tasty. Specifically, junk food.

What constitutes junk food? Is it food that's by definition terrible for your health? Sure, that helps, but not necessarily. For instance, I grew up in the South. For years I daily ate such fare as country ham (containing salt content on par with the Dead Sea), green beans with fatback, cathead biscuits, fried corn, spoonbread, chocolate pie, iced tea so strong and sweet a guy could chop a cord of wood after just a glass ... all manner of things that I'm sure would cause Richard Simmons to roll over in his grave (he is dead, isn't he?).

In my college days my standard favorite dish, owing to extreme poverty (not to mention congenital bad taste) was cheap Winn-Dixie chili mounded on top of cooked Minute Rice, all heated in a Mirro popcorn popper, and washed down with grape Tang. Even now, my mouth waters.

Today my favorites include such varied fare as chili dogs, Vienna sausage out of a can (don't wipe the jelly off; it's good), bags of beef jerky (or if I'm flush, kippered beef strips), salted peanuts in the shell, boiled eggs, and Breyer's Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream. Yowza. As the thread title says, darn fine eatin'.

So what say you all? Anybody like to tell what your secret ba-a-a-d foods are? Come on, spill. We're all friends here.

Far be it from me to tell your wife.
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  1. At our house, we have four food groups: Health food, good food, junk food, and downright trash. Pass the Fritos.

  2. Mmmm... I'm thinking triple chocolate cake with melted chocolate in the middle and sprinkled with dark chocolate chips. A whole cake would be sufficient...

    Or, crab legs dipped in melted butter.

  3. Oh man, crab legs with drawn butter. I know they're really just big edible spiders, but :::drool::: *G*

  4. Oh man... where do I begin? I love shrimp dipped in melted butter. I also love tortellini smothered in Alfredo sauce (which I make from scratch and basically consists of a whole cube of butter, two cups of whipping cream, garlic, salt, pepper, and parmesean cheese.) Pizza... don't get me started on pizza. Or Haagen Dazs coffee ice cream...

    Hang on a second, I think I need a snack...

  5. Pasties. Northern hillbilly fare. You chop up meat (venison is best), potatoes, rutabagas (you can't leave them out), onions, and carrots. Wrap that in a lard crust and bake until golden brown. Drown it in gravy and clog a few arteries. THAT'S good food!