Not sure if you want to be a writer? I, Kevin B Parsons, will give you eight great reasons to get into the writing game.
1.) First and foremost, it's all about the money. None of this silly gibberish about you've got something to share, you simply MUST write, or you've got this creative thing that has to get out via the keyboard. No, far and above any other reason, it's the cash that makes you dash to the keyboard. Shoot, Stephen King made over twenty three million dollars last year. And let's be honest, he's way past his prime. Get that book going that's been stewing inside for you for decades, that werewolf/zombie/vampire love story, then sit by the mailbox and wait for those checks. No, forget that. You've got PayPal. Keep writing as the money comes in electronically. You'll make more.
2.) Writing is not a job. That's right, you do almost nothing. Write for an hour, then head to the gym and hit the weights. Write a chapter and stop at a cute little cafe and eat at a little table along the sidewalk. Drink exotic coffee and watch the people around you for inspiration. Tour a foreign country for background for your thriller.
Ask any writer and they'll tell you, if they are really honest, that it's no work at all. Their friends and relatives get it.They say things like this; "Oh,you're a writer. So... you have a real job too, right?" Or after you've explained your job, they mention your life in retirement. It's not work! Just open that laptop and the book magically appears.
3.) There's nothing to it. Just write the book, give it to your agent, and he'll get it published. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Who needs a platform when you've got a blockbuster? How did you get the agent? You sent her a query letter and she scooped you up before anyone else did. Lucky her. She'll do the heavy lifting for you.
4.) It takes no skill. That's write, with computers, cut paste and delete, it's mighty easy to get that tome written. And with spellcheck, yew just right away add it fixes it. Chute, you will knot knead a editor or nothing. People are mush more forgiving about errors, and many times your using artistic license any way.
5.) It's so easy these days! Between computers and the Internet all you do is get it out there. In fact, it's so easy that over a million titles were published last year. I know that sounds a bit daunting, but the cream rises to the top, correct? And you're the cream of the cream, baby. After all, no one else has tackled racism in Iceland.
6.) You'll be a rock star. Oh yes, beautiful young hotties will run up to you, breathless. "Aren't you Mel Zonker? You wrote that awesome thriller about the Siamese twin detectives. Are you free for dinner?"
Practice, in front of a mirror, disappointing groupies and stalkers. You can only autograph so many books. Carpel tunnel, you know.
7.) Movie rights. What's better than seeing your books plastered across Hudson News at the airport? The huge, red plastic letters on the theater marquee, of course. 'The Two Legged Attack Cat.' And when the thing goes blockbuster, see reason number one.
8.) Viral! Oh yeah! Your publisher put together a trailer and youtube took it to the stratosphere. Now everyone knows you. People who ignored you in High School are sending friend requests on Facebook. Don't even THINK about friending them.
Eight greats. Get writing. And get ready. It's going to be a blast.
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